I told you I could write a whole post about it

Yes, this post is about cat poop. Sorry, it's just that it has occupied a lot of my thoughts since, well, I got Loki and Lola. But it's also about me Finding Solutions so yay?

The thing is, these adorable kitties...

...produce a LOT of poop.  And pee, but that's good because it means their urinary tracts are okay.

This is to be expected. Food twice a day has to come out at basically the same interval, times two cats. The only problem is that one or both of the cats has a tendency to not bury their poop, which means that the whole apartment can get stinky fast. It's to be expected somewhat with any pet, but J has never had a pet before, so I'm really anxious to make this experience a good one.

So I did a little (read: lots) bit of research on the web, and learned that the detergents in cat litter can be too harsh for kitty's noses and so they don't cover up their poop because they can't smell it. I had been using the Fresh Step multi-cat litter because it had good odor reviews but all the deodorants in the world can't help uncovered poop. So I did some more research and bought Dr. Elsey's Precious Cat litter because it is universally praised at being the bestest litter ever and is unscented. It's also cheaper than the Fresh Step stuff, but it sells out quick at Petsmart, which is basically the only place to get it. That's why I currently have 200lbs of it in my trunk. Hey it was on sale and I had a 15% total purchase coupon. I don't know where I will store it, but I'm sure I can think of something (under the couch/my bed/in the corner of my room? who knows?).

Things have improved slightly, and since there is literally no better litter to move to I guess I'm stuck to Dr. Elsey. And my 200lbs of kitty litter. So I then decided to turn my attention to the actual box itself.

Now I live in a pretty small apartment. I think it's a pretty good size, but the only good place for the litter box is in the bathroom (which does make sense, as it is the poop room). The space isn't that spacious, however, so I got the cats the Clevercat litter box, which is technically effective (they use it). However this website says that the top-entry box is horrible for cats' joints, etc etc, and it is kind of small. But there is no good alternative for the space. The website also says that the only good box is a huge open-air one but I just can't do that. I don't have the resources. That website is helpful, but it also has the effect of making me feel like a horrible horrible cat parent. More on that later.

So I decided that instead of spending so much money on another litterbox that really didn't meet my needs, I would make my own that suited my needs and hopefully that of the Shittens. I scoured the internet for some tips and actually took pictures for once as I went along.

First up, the box, which started life as an ordinary 18 gallon plastic tote purchased for ~$5 at Target. It was the largest one that would fit in the 24" long space next to the sink in the bathroom. I probably could have found one slightly better at Lowe's or Meijer or something, but it was Saturday aka Game Day and I was lucky to make it to Target. If I had a bigger space I'd probably want to use a 25+ gallon tote, but as it is the 18 gallon is bigger in all dimensions than the current box.

18 gallon Sterilite tote in a light color to make it easier to see inside and also to look better in the bathroom.

Next up, the tools:

Clockwise from top: safety goggles, tape measure, industrial Sharpie, dry-erase marker, and rotary tool and accessories.

All the how-tos I found said that a good utility knife and some sandpaper would do, but a rotary tool would make it easier. And I am never one to turn down a chance to get a power tool. Because of this the total cost of the project is on par with a fancier litter box, but I anticipate using my rotary tool again so I'm okay with that. I looooove power tools.

After assembling my tools I put the box in the space and, using the dry erase marker, marked where the entrance to the litter box would be. If Loki or Lola turn out to be huge cats then I can always make the hole bigger, but I gave them room. I then broke out the rotary tool on low speed and cut the hole:

 I chose to put it on the long side (and not in the middle) so that the cats will not be jumping out into the standing-in-front-of-the-sink area, but rather to the side where the litter mat will be to collect all the little litter bits that get stuck in their paws and then later find their way into odd places, like the couch or my bed.

I'd never used a rotary tool before, so it was a bit awkward at first. To cut plastic the blade basically uses friction to melt the plastic, leaving little plastic bits along the edge that need to be scraped/snapped off. It took a few passes to get the edges smooth enough.

I don't want my kitties to suffocate while using their poop box, so using my dry-erase (which, oddly enough, needed water to actually erase) I drew some marks for air/light vents on the top of the box:

The square in the corner is why I needed the measuring tape. I have an odor filter in the bathroom that I would ideally like to put ON the box if the kitties are okay with it. It measures 8.5"by8.5" so I measure off a 9.5"by9.5" square in the corner to not put holes in. I chose triangles because they are easier to cut than rectangles with the rotary cutter.

Of course once I started cutting I noticed that the triangles I had drawn were huge and that more and smaller were better:

I am awesome at following along with my own plan!

 To top it off, I then added some vents/holes where the handles of the box are in order to get more air circulation:

 There is about a one inch gap between the holes in the handles and the lid, so litter probably won't escape that way but air can come freely in/out.

Most litter packages say to fill the box with about 2-3 inches of litter. The one downside of my custom box is that I won't be able to get a liner for it, and trash bags won't work because of the side hole. So in order to keep the sides of the box relatively excrement free, I will be putting in 3"+ of litter into the box. But how will I know that it's deep enough? Well it's a custom box, so I whipped out my tape measure and my sharpie and drew a 3.25" fill line around the inside of the box:

Here you can see that there are still about 4 inches between the fill line and the litter box entrance. Hopefully that will help prevent litter from flying out.

I would install this right away into the bathroom so that the kitties can start using it while I am home for the day, but on Monday right after I scooped the box (into my Litter Locker, which is the best invention ever for cat people who live in apartments--it's basically a Diaper Genie for cat waste) Lola hopped in and had some pretty nasty diarrhea with what looked like blood in it. I don't know how long it's been going on, but I think a while. Her appetite is good (though she has thrown up a bit) and her energy is high but because she may have a heart condition I decided to take her to the vet.

I got a bunch of recs from my school's message board and went with the one that seemed cheapest but still good. On Wednesday I loaded up both cats into their carriers and drove them there. Boy was THAT fun. Loki is 8lbs and Lola is 6.8lbs and both seem fit and healthy aside from Lola's problem. No parasites.

The vet suggested I try an obscenely expensive prescription sensitive stomach food and an anti-inflammatory antibiotic to try and get stuff out of Lola's system. I bought that food and will probably continue to feed them sensitive-stomach food but of a cheaper (and maybe better?) brand. I gave Lola her first dose of meds today. Despite the chicken flavor she did NOT like it and spent a good 20 minutes frothing at the mouch and drooling under my bed. Thanks cat. Only 19 more doses to go.

Earlier I mentioned that the website catinfo.org makes me feel like a bad pet parent. I feed my cats Wellness, which is a natural pet food whose first ingredient is whole meat and not byproduct and is low on grains, etc. Larry eats it and his coat is gorgeous. The thing is that I only feed dry food to the kittens. It's expensive dry food yes, and nutritionally balanced, and they drink a lot of water, but it's not wet food, and the vet who runs the website says that cats should only be fed wet. I can't afford wet, not the good quality stuff, and not for two cats. I'm doing the best I can for my cats, but there are always reminders that I could be doing more. Sigh. I spent some serious time at Petsmart today and found a no soy-corn-wheat sensitive stomach food that is actually cheaper than the Wellness, so I will start feeding that after the vet stuff runs out.

So until Lola has had at least half her meds I won't switch the boxes, but it's there, waiting. I'll indicate in not great detail later how it works.

I have spent way too much time posting about poop so I will STOP. Instead I will now go enjoy the benefits of cat ownership: cuddles.

My power cord extension glows orange. I don't know how to feel about that.

My classrooms are all neat in that every chair has an outlet near it, but those outlets are in these little cubbies in the tables. The adapter on my computer cord is attached to the actual plug, so it's hard to wedge it in there. I bought these outlet extenders so I can plug it in without blocking the other outlet but the damn things have little LED lights in them that light up when it's plugged in. No where on the package was this mentioned!

I think I'll use the green one as part of my subtle subversion of all the blue and maize around here. I bought a MSU shirt yesterday when I was in Lansing. It's not that I have a lot of school pride when it comes to sports, but there is this perceived idea that MSU is not as good a school as U of M and I should somehow be ashamed of it. To which I reply, excuse me? I got a world class education at MSU, it turned out to be the best choice for me. I'm proud to be a Spartan, even if most of the time I don't even know what the score is on sports. I'm also glad to be here at U of M. It is also an excellent school, and my program is one of the best in the country.I'm most proud of the state of Michigan to have such two awesome schools.

I still don't like the yellow though, although my reasons are purely aesthetic. I look horrible in yellow.

 Third week of classes! I am still struggling to get into a rhythm mainly because this is the last week for my old job and I start my newer, more awesome job next week. Quitting was tough, but I think it's for the best.

I've noticed that people have started to clique off in classes. I still haven't really made friends yet (though it's not like I've had time outside of class for that) although there are perhaps options? My group is pretty neat and I think we can be friends. But an assigned group isn't quite the same as an organic friendship, yeah?

Because I am starting a new job I asked my mum to bring me down my passport/green card as well as some other essential items (such as my raincoat and coat, baby it's getting cold and rainy outside). I decided to 'entice' her by saying "we can go to whole foods!" Well it turned out both she and my dad came down (also it turned out I didn't need my ID docs... oh well) and we went to Whole Foods.

My mother had never actually been to Whole Foods so as we walked in I was trying to explain it to her "there is a lot of organic and natural stuff," I started with. She flipped out over the price of the produce (which, even though it is organic and/or 'local' it ridiculously overpriced) and then we wandered past the seafood bar. Finally I settled on an explanation to describe Whole Foods: "it's where rich white people shop," because Whole Foods is a privileged person's store. I then started to walk away to check on something and heard her mutter "well I am that." True mum, so true.

She and my dad discovered the wine section and fell in love, and I ate some yummy mac and cheese from their hot bar for lunch. I picked out some items (not a lot) and she paid for them, as well as their two cases of wine. I heard them making plans to visit me agian for the sole purpose of going back to Whole Foods' wine section.


Then we went to Trader Joe's, which was a bit underwhelming but I got some promising frozen options (paid for by my mum) and then finally to Meijer, where I trailed behind her as she put stuff in my cart, like broccoli and cauliflower and all the ingredients for taco salad. I think she operates under the assumption that I live on a diet consisting solely of carrot cake and junk food. Which is NOT TRUE, especially since J and I have a pretty good relationship in which we cook meals and share (I made chili! Like with actual meat and vegetables and stuff! It was TASTY! J even thought so.)


I love my mum. A $150 worth of groceries and toilet paper (the good kind, with ripples, vs the cheap kind I usually get) for me. Which is a nice savings, because damn do those kitties eat a lot of their expensive kitty food.

Speaking of which, I have to take Lola to the vet. Again. Poor baby. Poor my wallet. :(

It's Friday!

Thank goodness, now I have two days to catch up on all the work I'm already behind in.

First, some more about grad school.

Well, I have a class starting in approximately two minutes. I usually sit in the middle/front but last time I spent most of the class plotting out my two year class schedule (I was still listening, but everything was basically the same as what I've learned in prior programming classes) so today I decided to sit in the back so the people behind me wouldn't be subjected to that. Now I can see everyone else's screens and no one else has the lecture slides up. Heh.

Some things I have discovered about myself:
1) My time management is crap.  I will really need to work on blocking my time and getting shit done. I have about 200 pages of reading for each class plus assignments plus group projects so I don't particularly have time to waste. I don't have time, period.

2) I am here and I am looking at classes that sound interesting and the like but I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. In two years I will get my MSI with hopefully some sort of specialization (currently it is Archives and Record Management) and enough work experience to get a job to help me pay off my debt/keep me in the style to which I have been accustomed to (nice apartment, food for me and cats, etc). SI has a fantastic reputation for helping their grads get good jobs, but I have no idea what I want.

I had sort of a bad experience with the career office thus far though, and I am trying desperately to not let it cloud my opinion/future relations with them. I got an e-mail asking to submit a cover letter and resume for a position I'd like to explore. I e-mailed the career person asking if I could meet with her to discuss my cover letter because cover letters are hard and I am confused. Later that afternoon I stopped by the career office to see if there were drop-in hours or if an advisor was free or something. The administrator made me explain twice to her what exactly my situation was, and told me that although the advisor had no openings for meeting today or tomorrow she would take my name down and make sure the advisor e-mailed me.

I haven't heard from her, two days later. I feel put out by it, because I don't ask for help all that often and I did reach out and I feel kind of rejected, even though it's only a career advisor.

So yeah, still haven't sent the resume and cover letter. I doubt I'd have time to do the job if indeed there is a job. Just, things to feel gross about.

Hour into class. 2 more to go. So sleeeepy (still basic review stuff. Variables! Strings!) I accidentally bought a caffeine-free diet coke with lunch. Didn't notice the lack of wonderful caffeine until I opened it.  I only drink pop for the caffeine. You are worthless pop. I got a free "5 hr energy drink" sample. I might have to use it. Those things are icky though, and I get a helluva niacin flush.

This afternoon is a 'welcome picnic' for SI student. On one hand, free catered food. On the other hand, I am socially awkward and don't really know people. Women awkwardly eating alone! Also I am exhausted and since my mum is visiting tomorrow I must CLEAN ALL THE THINGS.

I want to naaaaaaaaaaap.

11 pm: too late to call my parents, so I'm blogging instead!

Today was a thoroughly ick day. Didn't finish my reading, couldn't concentrate in lecture, discovered that my new nemesis is the Ann Arbor Transport Authority and to top it off arrived home too late to get my Thor bluray from the main office where UPS delivered it. I JUST WANTED TO SEE CHRIS HEMSWORTH'S ABS IN HIGH DEFINITION ON MY TV.

I effing love that movie so much.

So I went to Petsmart to get litter for the shittens (one day I am going to write an entire post on cat poop), and to Target to return something, and came back and woe-is-me'd on the couch for awhile, pretty exhausted. J came home from work (it's a busy week for him) and as we were chatting I opened my spam folder because ever since grad app time I got into the habit and lo and behold there was a reply to the thank you e-mail I sent after my interview Saturday.

I got the job! Pays $12 an hour and is much more career oriented than current job. So I guess I have to put my notice in tomorrow which is incredibly stressful for me. A lot of people have assured me that they will find other work-study people really quickly and this is a better opportunity but I hate hate hate letting people down.

I also got an e-mail today asking me to send a resume and cover letter to one of the science museums on campus because they got a grant to digitize their millions of plant specimens (grants are good; they mean I can do work-study and grant-funded work). I have no idea if any employment would come out of it but I'm currently tapping away at a cover letter expressing my interest and eagerness but playing down the fact that I don't really have any experience. If they say they don't have anything for me oh well I never would have heard about it if I hadn't followed my desire for more free food and nosily butted into someone else's conversation. I think I will take it in to the career office tomorrow to have them look it over. So much to do....and then all my reading and Thor watching of course :)

The kittens were especially adorable today. Loki is so damn photogenic:

Lola, while adorable in real life, is not:

Night!

So This Grad School Thing...

I have had my first week of classes! My reviews are thus far (in order of the class): interesting but a lot of work, oh no what is going on here, why is this guy reading off of the powerpoint slides to a 300 person lecture and talking about the moment he decided to watch soccer?, maybe interesting but a lot of work, oh man you are so self-important professor but good thing your class might actually be easy for me. I have four classes for 12 credit hours total. To graduate with what I want and on time I will need to take 12 credit hours for all four semesters + 6 summer internship (full time is 9). No electives for ala...Or rest, apparently.


I had work last week as well, and it was still boring. On a whim I applied for another job that seemed to align experience/career-wise (and pays more). I got a message from the HR person asking me to send my resume and interview for another position that would look awesomesauce on my resume and pays $4.55 more/hour than my current one (which means I can work less hours for more money. At my current rate I will not get my full work study award).  I think the interview went well, although she still has to interview some others. I did realize today as I was in Lansing inventorying the collection I've been working on that when she asked if I had inventory experience and I said "not really" (thinking she was referring to my former admin job) I was a total liarface and could have trotted out my AMAZING RELEVANT EXPERIENCE. Oh well. I'm still super conflicted about quitting my current job if I get the other one. I've never quit a job before. Seriously. In the 6 years I have been gainfully employed I've had four jobs, two years, two years, one year, one year. I feel like a horrible person to quit two weeks in. Of course, this is all academic, as I haven't actually been offered any other jobs, and most likely won't get it (my life expects disappointment. It's unhealthy, I know, but I'm working on it). MOVING ON.

A cool thing that happened last Friday was that after scoping out a "library open-house" at the school (and eating the amazing-catered food) I meandered down to another open house that was, coincidentally, also serving catered food (this time a lovely assortment of cheese, the memory of which is reminding me I still need to eat dinner). It was for http://open.umich.edu/ (which has a LOT of med school stuff on there cough) and since Creative Commons is very nifty I decided to head down there.

I was there for about 15 minutes, about to leave (there were like four people there tops) when a man sat down next to me. He introduced himself as being from the Exhibit Museum. Upon hearing the magic word "museum" I literally perked up. We got on the topic of digitizing the various collections around campus and I blabbered a lot about how that was why I was at SI (it's true, I wrote my admissions essay on it, all five pages) and that I thought there was so much potential for museums to create new audiences and enhance their exhibits through digitized collections and exhibits, etc etc. He gave me his card and said to e-mail him and that he'd put me in touch with the people doing the digitization around campus. I e-mailed him and he said he'd forwarded on my e-mail.

Baby's first networking!

I have a lot to read for tomorrow and I told myself I wouldn't go grocery shopping until I finished my first assignment but I'm hungry and have no food for tomorrow and boohoo. So I might eat and then head out, but, in the spirit of actually referencing things I have mentioned before and also taking my achievements where I can get them I CLEANED MY ROOM.

Remember how I said I need an organized environment to help organize my mind? Well two weeksish after move-in, I still hadn't fully unpacked/organized my room, and so by Sunday it looked like this:

If my mother saw it she would have a FIT. In my sort-of defense, the mess mostly consists of Things That Need to Be Put in Their Homes, empty boxes, and the general garbage that accumulates when one moves into a new place.

It took about four hours (I got distracted a lot), but I made the serious effort to get everything put away or thrown out or what have you, and now my room looks like this:

The red boxes are empty and will be sent home with my mum this weekend, and yes it's not 100% tidy (ignore the wastebin I forgot to empty) but it's a HUGE improvement. Having kitties that get into EVERYTHING is a huge incentive to keep things tidier, so hopefully I'll keep it up! And speaking of kitties, here is Loki and Lola "helping" me tidy:

Such hard workers.

Busy-ness does not equal productivity

Even though I have unpacked my books and put them on the shelves and hung up most of my clothes in the closet (I need more hangers…seriously when did I get so many clothes?) and wired my desk my room somehow looks MESSIER than when I started. It’s probably the empty boxes/millions of shopping bags everywhere.  Also used tissues. I put them in the garbage, Loki fishes them out and bats them around and carries them in his mouth, growling like he is some sort of mighty hunter. Hint: he’s not.

I did finally today manage to organize the kitchen cupboards to my somewhat liking. Well, at least the system makes sense to ME. So that’s one thing down! It’s still not arranged to my total satisfaction, but it will be.

For some reason, even more than my previous residences, I want this apartment to be organized just right. I have this strange feeling that if I get everything organized just so somehow my life will be magically in control as well. I know that an organized environment DOES help me feel better but the solution is probably not buying more organizer things. I’ve been spending A LOT of money over the past six weeks, mostly on apartment or cat stuff but also on things like my shopping spree in Canada. That one was partly justified because a) my grandmother gave me part of my inheritance from my grandfather and some additional money (the whole money thing just leaves me feeling really weird. I would rather have my grandfather than this money, but at the same time the money is super helpful for grad school but family just makes me feel weird) b) all my ‘professional’ clothes (really just black pants) are from the Worthington collection from JC Penney. There are reasonably priced and come in tall sizes, but they aren’t exactly the most flattering. And only come in black. I bought a bunch of pants from Reitman’s tall collection and two blouses that were actually designed for tall people so their proportions actually fit without being too short in the torso/arms. I also bought three (3!) dresses. Good thing I wore the summery-ist of them all this past weekend because the weather has turned wet, rainy, and cold. Perfect for sleeping. And for not shaving my legs. I hate shaving my legs. Even using expensive razors and the fancy lotion-y shaving cream I get razor burn and always manage to nick myself. Most annoying.

Wow I went from wanting to control my environment as a stand-in for my life to razor burn in one paragraph. Blogs are dangerous things. I tend to word-vomit out anything on my mind.

My point was originally that  I tend to spend a lot of money (i.e. not care about spending money) when I’m depressed, and while I am certainly not the lowest of the lows or particularly stressed at this point in time, I do feel like I’m in a depressive episode. Colloquially I believe it would be referred to as a “funk,” and if I don’t monitor my moods and feelings and thoughts closely it can turn bad. Depression is something I live with every day, but about every year or so I get worse. I’ll start taking my secondary meds in the morning and maybe see about getting a therapist on campus or in Ann Arbor (does U of M even have a counseling center?).

This week I started grad school! My first class was Tuesday. I a) forgot to bring a notebook for note taking b) lost the sip of paper that had the class room number on it and c) didn’t follow the instructions to set up my netbook on the U of M wireless network so was pretty hopeless there for a while. I ducked into CVS for a notebook and a snack, managed to find my orientation guide that had instructions for connecting to the wireless, and using the power of the internet, found my correct class without being late! Go me! The class was three hours long and was basically just an intro, but the professor seems really nice (I have him for another class on Friday).

Part of the class was going around and introducing ourselves and stating why we were interested in archives and what our experience was. As I listened to people I felt really…jealous? Defensive? A lot of the people have similar interests to mine but instead of thinking “oh great, we can bond and be friends or something!” I was thinking “oh great they have more experience than me they are competition for museum jobs on campus and out in the real world somehow they make me less special.” Which is a completely wrong way to feel and I need to Adjust My Attitude. I think part of it may be that I’ve spent a large chunk of my life playing down my accomplishments (“yes I got a 4.0 in highschool but still only graduated eleventh” “yeah I got a scholarship but it was for tuition only not a free ride”) I always thought it sounded like I’m bragging, and in some contexts in can be (though I try desperately hard to avoid that). But. I am accomplished. I made a remark to one of my profs this spring that “I heard that funding is super hard to come by so I’m extremely lucky I got a scholarship” and she looked at me seriously and said “no, it wasn’t luck. You deserve it. Believe me, I’ve looked at a lot of grad apps.” Yes I do. However I guess the flipside now is that while I’m  acknowledging that yeah I am pretty awesome in some ways OTHER people being awesome does not diminish my awesomisity.  Things to work on!

Speaking of work, after taking days off last week for orientation I resumed my job today. I arrived promptly at 8 (which means I caught the 7:30 bus…blech mornings) only to discover that Supervisor 2 couldn’t train me because there was nothing on which I could train. Second time in a row that this has happened! So I spent two hours in the pathetic little computer area of the Graduate Library entering my schedule and half of my syllabus into google calendars to hopefully help me to become more organized. My shift that I did work was pretty good because I was constantly doing something. I like my job whilst I’m doing it and keeping busy (it’s like a scavenger hunt, and today I helped two people find books! Because my job is finding books now) but when I’m not doing it (like when I complete my assigned task and there is nothing to do, or when I go home) I don’t like it at all. It doesn’t pay the greatest (skimming above minimum wage) but honestly the work isn’t worth paying higher.  I applied for another job through the campus job thingy that is more relevant to my interests and experience (and higher paying) but it’s unlikely I’ll get it because of timing and the like. I don’t know. This job is nice because of the absolutely no stress involved and it involves walking (however slowly) and squatting and climbing and stuff.

This last paragraph can be summed up as: my job requires little skill or thought but is nice when I’m actually doing something. When I’m not doing something I start fretting that I’m wasting my time/talents and should be doing something more career oriented. But since my current funk involves me not caring too much about money I’m altogether meh. Plus I still have three classes this wee for which I don’t know the workload to.

Wow I’ve rambled quite a lot. I started this thing at nine-ish and it’s twenty to eleven right now. I have to get up early tomorrow so I best kick Loki off my feet and shower and get me to bed. I just hope it’s not raining again tomorrow as while I have an umbrella, I accidentally left my wonderful raincoat in my dad’s van. Who knows when I’ll get it back.
Night!

I could write about how unpacking just seems to have made MORE of a mess in my room and I have this feeling that if I can somehow set up my room perfectly I can set up my life perfectly. Also heartburn. I have heartburn.

I could also write about the family trip to Canada this weekend and about the many feelings that brought up (all the feelings!). I spent a lot of money, but did manage to get some professional clothes that actually fit well (yay tall sections!) and didn't come from JC Penney.

But really, I can't write about those things right now because I start grad school classes tomorrow and am flipping the fuck out.

If I survive with my dignity intact maybe there will be a better post.

Tiny Kitten Paws

Are capable of tracking so much litter around. Seriously guys, that's gross.

I am back in Ann Arbor, kind of permanently, I suppose, although I will be heading off to Canada to visit folks this weekend.

Because it is my permamove, I brought the kittens (whom I am trying to refer to in my head as the LoL cats) with me. I also had to work today at 10, which means I had to be on the road by seven.

The two hour drive from Midland to Ann Arbor was quite possibly the most stressful I have ever driven, because I had two upset kittens yelling at me in stereo. Mostly the kittens communicate in meowy squeaks and chirps, but they really let their grown-up voices out (think Larry-style). Then once we arrived and I brought them to the apartment they yelled at me some more because they didn't get let out right away.

Of course then I had to go to work so I quickly put J’s guitar in his room, put the potted plant in my room, closed those doors and hoped that the cats wouldn’t get into too much mischief. I was at work for about 5 hours, and it doesn’t look like anything was destroyed. There were a few lumps in the litter box (yay!) so I put its lid on (I got them a Clevercat Top Entry box—it’s really the only one that will fit in our bathroom and still have a lid). Loki has already used it with the lid but Lola deigned not to, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she will adapt fine. My life has become one in which I worry a lot about cat poop. Sigh.

The kittens seem to be doing okay. I opened my room and Lola is exploring (Loki, the weirdo, is cuddled up next to my feet suckling himself. Sigh). In a few moments I’ll lock them both up in there so I can unload the stuff from my car and finally get unpacked/settled in.  Orientation tomorrow!

ETA: Lola has pretty much wrapped J around her little paw.

No Wrong Way to [Look Like, Act Like, Feel Like] Be a Girl

The title of my post basically sums up my attitude towards womanhood/girlhood in general. While there are things that are traditionally perceived as "feminine" and "girly" not all women act/look that way. I am a 5'11" big person with horrible skin that I don't put makeup on, hair that is rarely down because I honestly don't know how to  blow dry it, and my daily uniform is basically pants (capris in summer) and a solid colored shirt (no ornamentation, no patterns). I like power tools and love comic books. These are not necessarily traditionally "feminine" traits but because I feel myself to be a woman, I am one and I don't think less of me--or anyone else who exhibits non-"feminine" traits because of it. Nor do I think that women who are traditionally "girly" are somehow bad either. Like I said, there is no wrong way to be a girl.

This is...not the post I had planned. But it is helpful in getting my thoughts straightened out re: gender norms, expression of gender, etc. I fully believe that there is no wrong way to be a girl (someone get me that on a t-shirt) but need some work on unpacking what exactly I mean by that.

Basically what I wanted to say is this: today I bought a dress. It's navy and knit and ends just above my knee, and I liked it enough on the rack to try it on and liked it enough on me to actually purchase it.

This is a very rare occurrence for me. The last dress I bought was in May for graduation. It's black, and I later wore it to my grandfather's funeral. Before that I can't even remember the last dress I bought, much less the last time I wore one.

While I was trying on the dress in the cubical at Kohl's I started thinking as to why I didn't own more skirts and dresses, especially to wear in the summer. I love wearing skirts in the summer, they are so light and cool! Add a pair of biking shorts underneath to prevent chub rub and I'm good to go! So why have I been purchasing capris this year instead of skirts?

The answer might lie in the second piece of clothing I purchased at Kohl's and no, I am not referring to the pair of sleep shorts I got on clearance. I bought shapewear. I noticed a few of my lumps being lumpy in the dress and instead of loving my body as it is (which is something I strive to do every day) I decided to modify it in a modern relative of the corset.

I am super disappointed in myself, and yet I don't think I am going to return it. Which signals to me that I have some issues with my body (well, MORE) that I need to work out.

I have gained a lot of weight in the last three years, mostly due to a combination of a) stress b) depression c) overeating due to stress and depression and d) lack of energy/exercise due to stress and depression. I see myself in the mirror every day, I know these things.

My mother has also recently gained weight. Her way to cope with it is occasionally (read: frequently) make remarks like "I need to lose weight," "I look horrible," "I'm so fat," etc. She looks to me to make some sort of comment but I refuse to enable her in any way so I usually just ignore it. She is not fat.

I decided a while ago that I could spend every day not liking my body, my lumps and curves, my weight, etc and be miserable and in a constant battle with it, OR I could focus my mental attention on LIKING and ACCEPTING myself, which includes my body, and enjoying my life, which includes cake. Yes I am aware that I could benefit from exercise--who wouldn't?--but I refuse to dislike my body because that omnipresent society says I should. However, the fact that not only did I decide I needed shapewear but the fact I bought it tells me that I have some ways to go before I get that whole "love my body because there is nothing wrong with it (no wrong way to look like a girl)" down.

I don't think that came out any clearer than my "girly" bit. Sigh. Well all writing is just waiting to be revised. Maybe one day I'll get my Ala Manifesto down right.

Basically, as I've been thinking a lot about lifestyle goals this past week I think I found a new one:

• I want to be confident enough to wear dresses and skirts without resorting to shapewear.

Now I just have to figure out what I need to do to achieve that goal...

I am a horrible mother

I am back in Midland, returning the dadmobile and getting some more things, most importantly, the cats, Loki and Lola.

At present I am in the basement on a supremely uncomfortable loveseat supervising the kittens play with one of Larry's discarded mousies that Loki fetched from under the lazyboy. Larry is also down here, hissing and growling at any kitten who gets too close.

I just cleaned out their litter box. Since they've been snatching mouthfuls of Larry's wet food and his adult dry food, their poop has been less than solid. Nasty nasty. And there are poopy pawprints on the sheet I put on the bed to protect it.

I feel like such a failure.

Maybe some more backstory?

Cats make me happy. My favorite creature in perhaps the entire world is my cat Larry, who we adopted when I was 12 and he was 1.  To say that he literally saved my life would not be an exaggeration. He is a mouthy, extremely affectionate cat whom I (and lots of other people) love deeply.

However, Larry (being almost 14) can not exactly give up three floors of rich carpeting and expensive food and many sunbeams to go live in my small graduate school apartment. And frankly the thought of him getting lost is enough to trigger an anxiety attack, even as I write this.

But cats make me happy, and since I am heading off to the stressful world of grad school I decided I want to take a cat with me. The first question I asked my potential roommate was "do you like cats?"

I fell in love with Loki via his picture on petfinder.com, but when I went to meet him I was not only presented with him  but also three other cats. He was the lovable cat I thought him to be, but he basically ignored me after the first introduction in favor of playing with his sister. This other cat, a tortie, came up and let me love her and was super affectionate. When it came time to choose, I had bonded better with her, but what about the Loki I fell in love with?

So I asked my roommate and signed the papers for two. That tortie was Lola

A day or so later I asked my dad if he thought I had made a good decision. He said they were very nice cats and that I had picked well but why on earth did I get two? Considering that he had been with me when I picked them out and I had asked his opinion then I found it strange that he hadn't said anything before. His response? He will support me in anything I do, even if he thinks it's stupid. Maybe he sowed seeds of doubt? I don't know.

Then Loki and Lola came home and I set up a super sweet kitty suite in my parent's bathroom/bedroom (hey they were on vacation) and they were adorable and kittenish and then I noticed that after fie or so minutes of heavy play Lola would pant. Now as a rule cats don't pant unless of situations of emergency so I contacted the person (a vet tech) that I adopted her from and told her and the response was "well she's never done that for me and the vet I worked for checked her out several times and found nothing so it's probably nothing."

I took her to my vet anyway, and the diagnosis-ish I got was that Lola most likely has a heart problem (not a murmur) and she will be fine until, of course, she's not.

My dad suggested that I call the adoption place and maybe take her back. But cats are kind of like children, in that you don't adopt a child and take it back because it seems to have a health problem. It's a commitment.

Since coming back from vacation and meeting the kittens, my mum has declared Loki to be a pretty good cat and has mentioned several times that Lola is a bad cat who gets into mischief. Which she does. I'm told that torties as a color type tend to be extremely sassy. She's also asked me several times "why did you get two?". Today Lola scratched her when my mum tried to pick her up (most likely she scooped around the waist, which Lola dislikes). So Lola is on her shit list and the kittens were banished to their basement room for most of the evening.

So here I am, full of doubts. Why did I get two cats? Larry hates them both, and I'm afraid this is causing him undue stress. One kitten is sassy and not completely healthy. Both are a bit stressed after spending so long cooped up away from humans. I'm hoping things improve once they have run of an apartment and are away from Larry and with people more often. But what if they don't?

I don't know. Maybe I'm making too much out of this because I'm stressed and a bit depressed from the move/grad school. Time will tell.

 

In other news, my job is mind numbingly boring, I assembled a dresser today, and I am allergic to Ann Arbor.

Ala Assemble!

So now I've been in my apartment for several days and things are Slowly Coming Together. Yesterday my roommate and I went on a Grand Adventure to that most magnificent of stores, IKEA. Since my dad gave me one of the lazy-boy chairs from the living room (with permission from my mum, of course) I no longer had a need to get one of the comfy POÄNG chairs but J wanted  a dresser and a bookshelf and since I have the van (and love IKEA) off we went.

J ended up with two bookshelves and a dresser (no bed frame) and I did get a coffee table ($20! And looks classy!) and a lamp. I'm at the point in my life where even though I will be moving in two years or so I am looking for items that are quality and will last (aka "grown up"), not just cheap and disposable. One day I will have a place all to my self (and the cats) and I will need nothing to furnish it. Alas that day is not today and so most of my stuff is in storage in my parents' basement. Sigh.

Of course, the evil underbelly of IKEA is that once you fall in love with the item in the showroom, what you actually end up purchasing is a long box that weighs about 70 pounds. And once said box is lugged up the three flights of stairs it needs to be assembled.

Now I have very few skills/talents, but one of them seems to be "reading directions well enough to assemble flat-pack furniture." I've assembled quite a bit in the last three years, and yesterday I assembled a microwave stand for the kitchen. Today I have assembled, by myself (I refuse to call it "building"):

• the lamp


• the coffee table


• a shower organizer thing (so my various bottles stop falling into the tub)


• a cabinet for the kitchen (a place lacking in shelf/cupboard space)


• one of my roomie's bookcases

I drove to Ypsilanti to get the cabinet at the Walmart there, only to discover that their website lied and it wasn't in stock. On the way back to Ann Arbor I stopped by Meijer...and lo and behold there it was, and for $15 cheaper to boot! Another case of the kingdom beating the Evil Empire! Yeah this is my life now, I get excited over getting kitchen cabinets. I'm just very particular about my living space.

Now I am exhausted and I smell, and I have yet to actually unpack most of my stuff. Tomorrow I will most likely assemble J's dresser while he is at work, because I am awesome, and then back to Midland to spend time with families and kitties before kittens make the car ride back to Ann Arbor with me and I start orientation next week!

Is this thing on?

The other day I got an e-mail from my dear friend Lisa telling me that she had started a blog. She in turn had been inspired by our friend Danika, who has been blogging for about a year now. I decided that if all the cool kids are doing it, I might as well give it a try. It might help me keep sane as I embark on my graduate school career.

Last night I spent the first night in my new apartment. With the help of my dad I had moved most of the furniture in over the weekend, but since I start work today (student labor at the library--I am strangely excited) I arrived late last night with a bunch of stuff. I realized at 11pm that the only food I had was two jars of peanut butter, salt and pepper grinders, and a couple of granola bars that had been packed in with my sandwich bags. So I quickly looked up where the nearest [open] grocer was and headed off to Kroger.

I am not living alone this grad year. I have a roommate, who happens to be male. I will also be living with two(!) cats come this weekend. Like with all roommates, there will be a period of adjustment. For example, when I came home from Kroger last night I put my groceries in the fridge. It was then that I realized that the majority of my groceries were either bread (four kinds!) or bread related (ie things one puts on bread). Most of it was store brand. I placed these in the fridge next to my roommate's organic cage-free eggs and organic milk in a glass bottle. He, as you might have guessed, cares a lot about health and the environment. Me? I care about those things too, but one has to realize that feeding myself on a regular basis is a great accomplishment. Feeding myself healthily? That might take more work (it should be noted that in my bread-buying extravaganza I completely forgot to buy fruit or veggies. I was too impressed with the bakery located next to the produce). There is also the question of cost. I am a grad school. I have a budget. I regularly blow this budget on buying books, but that's not the point. Why should I buy organic eggs at $4 a dozen when the store brand costs $1.69? Scared as I am of people judging me, I am afraid that my roomie will think I am a horrible person for not going all-organic, all the time.

Anyway, after flipping through a book at Danika's, I purchased the same "healthy college cookbook" as her. My goal is to prepare a meal/dish at least twice a week. Woman cannot live on fried eggs and sandwiches alone, although I would try.

Another adjustment to be made: sharing a bathroom with a guy. And it's a very small bathroom with almost no storage or counter space. Since J has been living in the apartment since the weekend he's moved all his stuff in. Toothpaste, toothbrush, cotton swabs, and a single bottle of shampoo and a bar of soap in the bathtub. I felt so awkward putting my bright green shampoo and conditioner bottles in the shower, along with my body wash, loofah, razor, shave cream, and face wash, not to mention my various creams and stuff near the sink. I purchased a plastic basket to sit on the toilet tank and hopefully contain my mess, but I'm a bit nervous about when shark week comes...

Other than that I think the apartment/roomie situation will turn out alright. If anything, I refuse to move until I have a job elsewhere. I hate moving. HATE IT. Too much moving. I'll post more about the apartment (maybe even pictures!) later after I'm done settling in. This might take awhile, as I nest/decorate/organize hard.

Ta!

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